


✦Dull ✦

by UnknownSaltwater



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Drag Queen, M/M, RuPaul - Freeform, dragrace, rupaulsdragraceUK, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-24 20:47:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21105749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownSaltwater/pseuds/UnknownSaltwater
Summary: Gothy Kendoll woke up, forgetting what happened after her elimination or who most of her friends were. Until she slowly regains her memory from a certain sharp-fanged flower Queen.





	1. Waking

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my wattpad (UnknownSaltwater) for more fanfics and oneshots and even art!

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Nights were rather stormy and still once I was eliminated, I felt constant waves of depression and regret as I just remained in my room staring up at the ceiling day after day. I ripped apart my dresses and wigs the moment I returned from the show, now they're simply underneath my bed and I'm stuck between fearing leaving my house and needing to take care of myself. My own heartbeat was driving me around the bend, and I sat up fast enough to make me dizzy, hanging my feet over the bed, the sudden ting of my phone making my eyes shoot open.  
I squinted at the burning light, placing a hand over my left eye. It was Josh?

_'See me under the bridge at exactly twelve.'_

I furrowed my brows in confusion; why twelve and why under the bridge? But most importantly, why me. I texted him back, my hands beginning to shake, unable to press the correct letters. Things seemed off with Josh, this just didn't seem like him.   
My gut was throbbing immensely, and I began to panic, as I looked a mess and couldn't stop feeling so pathetic and miserable-- he's going to judge me and I don't want to lose any friends, especially not him. 

I shuffled on my shoes, feeling content wearing bulky clothes, feeling as if I was separate from the rest of society that may try to look in at me.  
I squinted my eyes, remembering it was nowhere near twelve, despite the sky being black and streamed with blue. I held my breath and locked my door behind me, my heart thumping even louder as I felt presence nearby, the atmosphere changed, and I took off as swiftly as I could, not noticing the Black swallow everything that was behind me.

I gazed at the streetlamps, their dull light ignited my anxiety and made it worse; no one was around, and I can't remember the time I left my house, and I didn't bring my phone.  
I'm so stupid.  
How could I have not brought my phone with me at night in the streets? I couldn't comprehend my own mindset, my own stupidity made me angry. I kicked a can with rage, trailing my eyes to its spot, where the shadow of a person lurked, wearing clothes as if they were made from obsidian, the shadow they cast sent chills up my spine, and I walked faster, ignoring them completely. I thought for a moment about turning back to fetch my phone, but I was too far and I didn't want to encounter that sinister person again. The cold encouraged my hands to sink themselves into my sleeves, my eyes watching the textures of the path drag by.  
I could have sworn I saw the bridge ahead?  
I saw nothing but water, I ran towards the bank, eyeing the wooden stumps where the bridge would have sat, and I covered my face in disbelief, too terrified to try and understand why I'd be hallucinating-- an entire bridge gone?-- why would Josh text me to come to a place that technically doesn't exist?

I unzipped my jacket and drove it off my body, paying no attention to the goosebumps rising on my arms, I only wanted to wake from whatever dream I am having, I need to know if even the air was real. It brushed against my skin like paper, which then the figure made its second appearance: cryptic and sinister, like a black cat on an orange wheely bin in an alley. I looked down at the grass, lying my jacket over the muddy parts. I lied down and ignored the shadow again, but I knew they were right above me now, their breathing broke the silence as it grew louder. I felt like an animal playing dead; they never spoke or touched me, they just stood above my body like a waiting vulture.  
"Sam!?"  
I gasped and looked up at them with wide eyes. I didn't recognise them but I suddenly remembered their face and eyes, it was Owen. "What are you doing lying here? Where have you been?" They pulled me into an embrace, making my whole body tense and desperately wriggle from their arms.   
"Why do you care?" I uttered, seeing their eyes sadden.  
"You've been missing for weeks, love."  
I covered my face, shaking my head with dwelling tears.  
"It's only been a few days? I just needed alone time." I looked around, noticing the shadow had disappeared, and my heart began to ache, and I found it painful to breathe.  
"Are you on drugs?" They asked, touching underneath my jaw.  
"No!" I scoffed. "Where did the other person go?"   
"There was no other person, Sam, let's go home and get some sleep."  
"No, I saw someone I swear-!" I clasped their arm, I didn't expect Owen to believe me, I probably was hallucinating, it explains why the bridge doesn't exist.  
"I'm sorry," They helped me to my feet, holding my jacket for me. I found their kind gestures uncomfortable; I didn't trust them, they might be that figure.

﹌﹌﹌

"Have you had anything to drink?" Owen handed me a glass of water, I took it with a weak grip, my eyes focused on the outside of my window, and how dark it was.   
"Why is it so dark out?" I asked, taking a sip.  
"It isn't too dark. Are you feeling sick?" They touched my forehead, and I forced their hand away, the frustration building in my chest.  
"I don't care!" I covered my mouth, unable to hold back tears. "I'm not lying, I saw someone-"  
"I'm not saying you're lying, but it might not be real." Owen took the glass from me, allowing me to turn away and lie on my side. "Would you like me to stay for the night?"  
I took a deep breath, nodding.  
"I have a spare room beside this one." I buried my face into my pillow, too exhausted to talk any further. I felt them rub my shoulder before leaving, the bed rising up again.

I snuggled myself into the sheets, finally falling asleep. I felt relaxed and almost forgot about the shadow and the sky seemed brighter and no longer black.

﹌﹌﹌

A shrillish scream woke me and almost killed me with fright, my heart was pulsating and I panicked. The scream sounded like Owen, but I didn't want to believe what I was hearing or seeing anymore. It was silence after that, and I noticed the brightness outside was dull, there was a thick sheet of grey cloud covering the sky. Why was everything so abnormal?  
I shook my head, feeling stupid once again, and lied back down. 

I removed my shirt, lying face down in a hole of mingled emotions, I hated socialising, but somehow I miss the presence of someone holding me. I felt guilty; Owen only wanted to help.  
I sighed harshly, standing up again and wrapped my body inside a comfortable clean shirt. It wasn't my style nor did it fit entierly.  
I wandered to my bathroom, keeping my eyes on the ground for as long as I could, before having to look back up to close the door behind me. The mirror was dirty?  
I only cleaned it yesterday.  
Owen didn't know what they were talking about, I am not sick nor do I hallucinate, what I saw has to have been real, I'm not sick.  
The water ran slowly, the soap was dusty--the counter was dusty.  
"What the hell-?" I muttered, stepping back. I ran my finger along the cold side: it was dust, lots of dust, why was there dust when I always clean my bathroom. "Owen!" I called, not wanting to cry again. I called again, but they didn't answer, and my heart dropped to the bottom of my soul. "Owen-?" I opened the bathroom door timidly, finding the lights have been turned off.   
They probably left the house-  
But I'm still here.  
I ran to the spare room, and not a slither of light left the bottom of the doorframe. It looked like a void, the door to some other world beyond ours. I knocked gently, hearing a delicate gasp from inside.  
"Are you in there?" I rested my head against the wood, hearing no reply. I hovered my hand above the handle, too afraid to bother them just in case they're only sleeping--but who turned off the lights? I quickly pulled myself together and opened the door- I froze--"I think I'm hallucinating again, Owen!" I shrieked, grabbing a lamp from the side of a drawer and held it in both my hands; I looked at the floor, but there was more blood. Owen laid lifeless on their bed, the shadow person above them, hood down this time. He ripped at the side of their neck with the blades for teeth inside his mouth, blood drenched the sheets and both their bodies--I yelled again, throwing the lamp at the boy's head, only making him flinch and yelp. His eyes met mine and he rose to his feet with struggle, wiping his mouth clean.  
I recognised him, his face so distinct and pale, he didn't show anger, but confusion and guilt.  
"Sam?" He looked back at Owen's body, panicking. He grabbed my shirt, my reflexes slapped his face, causing him to let go.   
"Joshua!" I seethed, pummeling him against the wall. "You murderer!" I raised my fist, not finding the strength to hurt him.   
"I didn't mean to! They hurt me first, they stopped me seeing you!" His eyes made me sympathise, slowly bringing back memories of us on the show and our friendship. I had so many questions, but Owen was my friend too, and I couldn't help but to let him go, slinking my body beside theirs.   
"Owen-" I wept, unable to look at the gap inside their neck. I closed their eyes, holding onto them.   
I heard Josh run out of the room. I didn't care where he went, or what he was going to do. I nestled my nose into Owen's cheek, begging to hear their voice again.  
I took it all for granted, just like everything else.

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	2. Flashback

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_"How is everyone doing, who's excited for dinner?" Sam walked in with a slanted grin, placing himself next to a silent Josh, who had his face buried inside his hood. Sam never noticed until he looked at him, frowning. The other Queens noticed as Sam did, but said nothing in fear of making what ever the matter worse. Josh made sure he didn't smile or even take down his hood, and all aspects of his personality changed as did his tone._  
_"I'm fine."_  
_Sam took hold of his hand, caressing over his knuckles with his thumb, forgetting to cover up a smile that was forming on his face. Josh tried to hold back one of his own, the loud talking of the others around them phased out, and he found Sam's smile to be the most beautiful smile he's ever seen._  
_"You're not fine, tell me what's wrong," Sam moved his chair closer, finding the blonde's blue eyes hypnotic to gaze into, almost distracting him completely._  
_"I don't want to be around everyone."_  
_"You always used to?" Sam squeezed his palm, hearing Daniel laugh and whistle at them, earning a glare from Josh. _  
_"Steady on, lovebirds!" He cackled, and James laughed with him. Sam rolled his eyes._  
_"Ignore them, love. Why don't we talk in private-" Sam stood up and kept a hand tightly around Josh's, leading him out of the room as quickly as possible, their laughter and talks grew more muffled as they found themselves in the living room. Josh stared at Sam's jaw, his lips pushing together as the tension built up inside him. "Tell me what's up." Sam sat down on the sofa, moving the pillows beside him. Josh sat next to Sam, wanting to be as close as possible. "You're never this quiet-"_  
_"Because-" He swallowed, feeling Sam wrap an arm around his shoulder, resting his face to the side: the sparkles in his eyes comforted Josh, making it easier for him to explain. "I'm not well." He gently ran a hand up his head, pulling down the hood, revealing a pair of pointed ears. His face flourished a deep red, keeping his eyes open in fear. Sam quickly perked up._  
_"That's prosthetics right?" He shuffled closer, their faces close, and Josh's eyes fluttered shut._  
_"No-" He nibbled his lip, making Sam cover his mouth in absolute shock._  
_"What happened to your teeth?" _  
_"I don't know, I just woke up like tis' yesterday, and I really want to be normal again! I'm so glad I was eliminated before this happened." Josh flinched, letting out broken sobs._  
_"Don't cry," Sam hugged him tightly, petting his fluffy hair: Sam nestled his nose closer, the smell of flowers sent him into a guilt-ridden state of ecstasy. He pet Josh's jaw carefully with the back of his finger, their eyes met, and the blonde's pupils dilated, but in such a way that made Sam's feeling of bliss turn into one of discomfort and coldness. "I'm sorry I probably should keep my hands to myself." He trailed his eyes down, feeling Josh's hand grasp his arm and tug him closer, his eyes digging at his own._  
_"I need a favour," Josh uttered--his sweet accent now blunt, and it made Sam's gut scream at him to leave._  
_"J-Josh, you're not being yourself," Sam shuffled back, unable to wriggle his arm free from the grasp. His inhuman strength caused the younger boy to panic further, his heart pounding with every tug. _  
_"Come here, stop moving away!" Josh sat up, shuffling onto Sam's leg and pinning his shoulders down."_  
_Josh get off me!" Sam let out a cry, feeling a nail dig into the side of his neck, Josh's once gentle eyes now sharp and brisk. Sam felt tears dwell in his eyes, a pair of teeth biting into his throat along with a force ripping the air from his lungs, making him cry louder. Josh clasped a hand over his mouth and straddled him, rendering the younger boy helpless. Sam's cries proved futile, Josh's eye twitched, pulling away and staring down at him with slanted eyes, his thumb brushing down Sam's loose lip slowly. Sam groaned silently, finding the scene as frightening as it was arousing; the crimson which stained the blonde's pink lips, and his heavy eyes. _  
_"I know you like it. giz' a kiss." Josh leaned in and kissed him with an open mouth, cupping his face in both his hands, he moved a hand away, tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth. "You're bleeding a lot," Josh smirked a slanted grin, rubbing over Sam's neck with his hand, making him whimper. _  
_"Who's fault was that?" Sam tried to sit up, but was shoved back down._  
_"You leave when I say."_  
_"The others will come looking for us!"_  
_"No, they won't." Josh leaned back in, dragging his tongue over the wounds. Sam tensed, sinking a hand in his blonde locks._  
_"Fuck, it hurts!" Sam felt the colours of his surroundings dim, and his skin swelled and throbbed as if a poison was seeping through his veins. "Josh-" Sam exhaled a soft breath, rubbing behind his ear. _  
_"Can we-" Josh mumbled, running a hand up Sam's shirt, his stomach fluttering at the warmth of his bare skin. "You're really hot." Josh bites at another space of skin, earning pretty whimpers from the boy beneath him._  
_"We can't," Sam meekly lifted his shirt up, guiltily wanting more. A smile spread across his lips, not finding the strength to cover it up. A darkness fell onto him, the only thing in view now was Josh's face and fiery eyes. _  
_"Yes we can, no one can stop us," Josh laughed, poking his tongue through his teeth, making it more difficult to stop himself getting turned on._  
_"God, you're a cunt!" Sam held Josh's hands guiding them downwards, not able to stop himself; he wanted this, he wanted to be used and touched. Josh quickly pushed his hand past his jeans, not going too far down, wanting to tease. The sounds of the others laughing suddenly grew louder, but Sam didn't pay any attention, nor could he really focus on anything around him, just the feeling of the blonde's soft hands against his skin. "Why did you stop?-" Sam opened his eyes, blinking them, and froze in horror at the sight of Daniel and Colin standing like statues in the doorway. _  
_His heart leapt up into his throat. His body had no reason to stay conscious, his hands grasped for Josh, but he fell back, losing all control of his body. Josh stared at Daniel, shaking his head._  
_"I didn't- It wasn't me!" He wiped his chin, smearing red over his cheeks. _  
_"Is he dead?" Colin backed away, at a loss for words. "You killed him?"_  
_"No, I'd never!" Josh felt himself pout unintentionally, quickly standing up and pulling up his hood. Daniel stood in front of Colin in a defensive stance, noticing the different features of Josh's face._  
_"You aren't Josh-- you're some bloody monster!" He yelled through brimming tears and more footsteps followed; Josh was in the spotlight. _  
_Is Sam dead?_  
_He hung his head low, turning around to face the window. He walked towards it quickly, trying to open it, hearing the others walk in as if they were police officers. The sobs of Colin made Josh cry himself._  
_"I can't believe someone like you could kill your own friend!" _  
_"Cris, I think he did more than kill 'im!" James rested Sam's head on a pillow, neatening his clothes. _  
_"No! I'd never do something like that you 'tink I'd be able too, look at me!" Josh felt his knees buckle, sobbing into his sleeve. _  
_"Explain what happened then!" James threw a finger at him, the others drew their eyes to his trembling form._  
_"We got playful, and I just got too rough that's all! He loved it, you can ask him when he wakes up."_  
_"I don't think he will- his pulse is gone!" James looked towards the door, quivering. Colin only cried more and earned the sympathy of everyone else. Owen stared at Josh, a look that pulled his heart from its strings more. _  
_"Please-" The soft weeps from Colin made Owen's eye twitch, having them stand and storm to Josh, slapping him with the hand with the most rings. _  
_"Wretched sod! Get out!" _  
_Josh held his cheek, shaking his head quickly._  
_"No! I didn't kill him I-" _  
_"Get out before I kill you!" Owen drove a fist at his face, sending him back with a brutal slam._  
_"Owen, calm down please," James cut in, reaching a hand for them. "Come here love, leave him alone, it's not worth the effort." _  
_Owen nodded and walked around to him, hugging him as tight as possible. "Where the bloody hell is Cheryl?" James exhaled sharply._  
_"Doing her makeup," Daniel mumbled, touching Sam's face with an empty expression. "Please, can we call the police?" _  
_"No, not yet, there's no evidence Josh did it, he might frame us." James continued to rub Owen's back, having Josh stare at them with guilt, trying to hide the cuts on his cheek._  
_"Please don't hate me! I didn't do anything," Josh pleaded, struggling through his tears. He earned no reply. He took off his hoodie, wanting to prove he was as vulnerable as them, but they paid no mind. _  
_"Don't be stupid, just go, might as well turn ye'self in." James sniffed, wiping his eyes. _  
_"Luke might listen to me," Josh stood up, striking them a glare. _  
_"Keep dreaming," James looked at Sam, attempting to calm Colin down, and Josh silently left, running to the bathroom and knocking quickly. _  
_"Luke, please let me in!" Josh wept, feeling it open and saw a smiley half-painted face looking down at him. _  
_"Love what's wrong? -Oh-God!" He held Josh's wrist in a tight grip. "What happened-?" He put his brush down and felt the blonde launch at him with a hug, tightening his arms like ropes. _  
_"Don't 'ate me! Please!" Josh nestled into his chest, wanting someone to believe him._  
_"Oi, tell me what happened. I'd never hate you." Luke sat down on the ground and pushed the door shut with his heel._  
_"Me and Sam got a bit frisky and I think I accidentally hurt him, but everyone thinks I killed him." Josh scanned Luke's face for signs of fear, but it was mostly confusion, and shock._  
_"Killed him? Is Sam alright?"_  
_"I don't know, but I 'tink they all hate me now." Josh hugged his arm, earning a gentle kiss on the head, calming his heart down greatly._  
_"I don't, let's go talk to them and see what happened to Sam." Luke stood up, but Josh remained sat down, eyes wide._  
_"I can't, Owen will hurt me again."_  
_"Oh goodness, a lot has happened since I've been gettin' ready hasn't it?" Luke opened the door and listened in, hearing Colin's cries. He rolled his eyes and peered around the doorway. "Hey, what makes you think you can treat Josh like that?"_  
_"Iz' bout' time you showed up!" James gently trailed his hand along sam's arm._  
_"I said what makes you think you can-"_  
_"Oh, I heard you!" James covered his mouth, his voice breaking. "You actually believe him?"_  
_"You have no evidence he killed Sam, and you honestly think he has the guts to even hurt a bug?" Luke sat next to Colin, waiting for a reply, but received none. "So, is Sam alright?"_  
_"We don't know, he's out cold!" James' cheeks flooded themselves with tears, his once happy voice shaky and frail. "He gotta' be dead because he has no pulse!" _  
_Luke shuffled closer and touched the side of Sam's neck. _  
_"Have you tried checking if he's breathing?" _  
_"Well if he has no pulse he isn't going to be breathing is he?" Daniel rolled his eyes, growing agitated, but watched Luke place a finger under Sam's nose, feeling his blood run cold._  
_"He is as well-"_  
_"No- that makes no sense, you're just saying that-" Daniel looked at James, who was snuggled into Owen's chest, unable to keep his strength._  
_"Please can it be true." Colin took a sharp sudden breath, looking at Luke with hope._  
_"It is! He's breathing! So you should find Josh and tell him before you regret treating him like shit." He stood to his feet and walked out with nothing left to say._  
_"She has to be jokin', Cheryl isn't that dumb." James attempted the same and placed his finger under Sam's nose, feeling warm air brush against his finger. "Shit- She isn't-" _  
_Owen forced a smile and cried into their hand, brushing the curls from the boy's face._  
_"I wouldn't know what I'd do without him-"_  
_"I don't think any of us would." Colin stared at James, ruffling his hair nervously. "Is it really Josh's fault? As Luke said, he hasn't got the guts to harm anyone." _  
_"Perhaps, it's just that boy is always too happy alf' the time." James turned and stood up, helping Owen to their feet also. "Let's bloody apologise then."_

≾≾≾≾

"Owen, please wake up!" I repeated those words, but the more I stare at their face, the more I notice their skin was now duller, and their lips were grey. I couldn't physically leave their side, I didn't want to throw them away. "Wake up!" My face pressed against theirs and I felt breathing on my neck--I gasped and drew away, but it wasn't them, it came from behind me-- he smelled of flowers, and I immediately somehow remembered who it could be. It was Josh. His eyes met mine as I turned around, his face was clean of blood, and his eyes were as beautiful as ever, two glowing blue oceans I missed for what felt like an eternity.  
Josh killed Owen-  
I felt my lip quiver and his smile faded.  
"You don't seem happy to see me."  
"I wanted you to leave actually!" I held Owen closer like a child, still processing what had just happened.   
"Owen is dead, I'm not. Come wit' me." Josh reached out a hand. "I want'tu take you to that bridge."

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	3. The Bridge

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Josh led me through the foggy streets, holding my hand tightly. I caressed each finger gently, almost forgetting the old Josh, the innocent and bouncy Josh who wouldn't harm anyone, not a person or living thing big or small--but the image of Owen won't leave my head, Josh killed them-  
He killed them.  
The small blonde pointed to the bridge, which made me freeze in place. How could it even be possible?  
"Josh, what the fuck?" I covered my mouth and started to cry again, wishing I could have Owen's arms around me.  
"What's the matter?" He asked, hugging my arm and kissing my cheek.  
"I think I'm going insane, you're making me lose it!" I seized his wrist, fixing my eyes onto his own with a sharp expression. He swallowed and shook his head.  
"No, Sam! I just wanna be with you, I-" He slipped off his coat, making my heart leap up into my throat; I saw Josh, not a monster. His eyes were still azure, and his smile was still as soft as a feather pillow. "I love you." He leaned in towards me. Those lips were irresistible.   
"Josh, I missed you-" I lunged my head towards his breathlessly, kissing him intensely and messily. Our bodies clashed and sunk to the ground. I noticed the bridge behind him, breaking our kiss, he moved to my neck, my eyes staring at the faded shadow of its structure.   
He didn't seem to care for the bridge now, his hands tugging off my shirt and sucking at the base of my jaw. I didn't want to moan, but it was impossible not to; the feeling of his teeth and tongue against my skin sent tingles down me, making my groins burn. "Josh- Ah-" I leaned into him further, feeling his lips drag up to my ear. "Please touch me-" I squeezed my eyes shut, nervous and tense, but he left me a whimpering mess; he removed his own shirt and I let out a small gasp, noticing bloodstains in his skin. I caressed between his chest and felt my legs part for him, his body moving its way between them along with a little grin. I pulled him down onto me, kissing him again but with more passion and fire in between my thighs. I drove my hands down his face, getting lost in his features, all so defined and sexy. I sucked tenderly at his pink bottom lip, diminutive gasps escaping through his mouth. I felt his hands grope me, my teeth biting down.   
My arms and legs felt numb, my body overwhelmed with fast brutal shivers. He unzipped his jeans and pulled the zipper apart, shoving them down his legs quickly. I've never seen him like this before, and I regret not doing this much sooner. Everything about him was perfect, his hips placed against mine, slowly grinding against my slim form. I whined desperately, my whines turning into frisk moans. I fumbled with his boxers, biting my lip with my eyes half-shut. "God, Josh-" I gasped, "Stop teasing me!"  
"But this is fun-" He hummed into my ear, finally allowing me to remove his pants with ease. I felt harsh hands pull off my own underwear, a sharp pain struck through my calf, my eyes staring at Josh's lips against my leg, his throat moving like a machine as he gulped down mouthfuls of blood. I cried into my arm, half-moaning at the sight in front of me.  
"Gah-ha!" I felt his hot length tease me, the shock of my rear being filled made me cry harder, hissing out broken moans.   
"I finally get to do this to you," He bent my legs back and moved his hips violently against me, the burning sensation allowing me to cry further, his gleaming fangs exposed his smile; he enjoyed watching me writhe beneath him, a red-stained tongue licking over his front two teeth. I held my breath, only to have it lodged out of my lungs with more brutal hits of his hips. "L-let me bite you a-again-" He latched onto my other leg with his teeth, I watched him sink them in like a knife through butter. I wailed in agony, watching perfect streams of blood trail down his chin and my skin. He drank more and picked up his speed, I was so close, and I felt he was too.  
"Josh, I'm gonna cum!" I whined, feeling him tug my flesh with his teeth.  
"P-Please do, I wan'tu be the one to clean you after-" He hung his bottom lip loose, towering over me. I felt completely helpless, my own blood dripping onto my face from his perfect mouth. I did as I was told, soaking myself in white, using the tips of my fingers to bring me closer to more. He drove his hand up my abdomen, rubbing it into my skin like it was a lotion. I gasped and smiled, feeling another moan escape my lips.  
"Oh-!" I flipped my head back, feeling him fill me with his warmth. I moaned in sync with him, running my spare hand through his blonde locks to bring his face closer; I was taken back by the sight of him, red cheeks, sparkling eyes and beads of sweat which slid down his temples. "God you're so sexy-" I exhaled breathlessly, seeing his lips push a smirk.  
"How did it feel to get railed by a twink, Sammy?"   
"Amazing." I struggled to get my words out, my hands touching every inch of his face and neck as I could, not wanting this moment to end.

"I wanna stay here wit' you." He stroked my hair with a hand, pressing his cheek into my shoulder.  
"I-I have to go back home, I can't leave Owen's body there-"  
My heart stopped, tears spontaneously brimming in my eyes at the mention of their name; I couldn't talk of Owen like some pile of garbage, they were my friend, not a body. "God!" I covered my eyes and whimpered out weak cries. I could remember their voice--I should have hugged them tighter, I should have given them a kiss on the cheek to thank them for everything, but I can't now. Nothing can bring them back.  
"I'm sorry." Josh mumbled, nibbling his thumb.  
"Don't apologize, but don't think it wasn't your fault either." I sat up and grabbed my pants, hearing a small sigh from behind me. I slipped on my shirt and stood to my feet, fumbling with the zip on my jeans.  
"But I want you to stay here with me. You don't want to go back."  
"But I do? You can always come with me." I neatened my hair and held a hand out for him, and he took it with stubborn eyes. I felt my cheeks fluster a pink at his nude form. "Maybe get dressed though."  
He nodded slowly, crouching down and picking up his coat and jeans, rushing to get his coat on first. I raised a brow.  
"We can always come back-"  
"No, I don't wan'yu to leave at all. You do not want to go back home." Josh stared into my eyes, his seductive face making me step closer and stroke his chin.  
"Please let me, I just want to see Owen and call their family. I will have to lie bout' how they died."  
"Say they killed themself." Josh spoke bluntly, and I nodded with an aching heart.  
"I gotta'-"  
We held hands again and began to head back, the structure of the bridge now swallowed by the fog.

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	4. To Lose

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I threw myself onto the sofa, groaning deeply into a pillow which was caked in dust; everything was dusty and I couldn't get past this phenomenon. I thought nothing of it now, especially after what had just happened. Josh chuckled from behind me.  
"Is that all me?" He sat beside my legs, petting above my lower back. I nodded slowly, feeling completely embarrassed.   
"I hate you-" I mumbled, turning onto my back and closing my eyes.   
"Mhm, you could never hate me, Sammy." He laid himself over me, kissing my jaw and hugging me tightly with both his arms. A bright toothy smile formed on his lips, making me smile also--I no longer felt the need to hide my smile, the comfort he made me feel drowned out all self-conscious urges to cover up.  
I held his smaller form close, running a hand down his side.  
"I need to see Owen," I mumbled, seeing his smile fade. He murmured in agreement, and I sat up quickly, still in slight pain. I didn't allow it to stop me from walking to the room though, despite my limps and utters of pain, I thought Owen was much more important than my comfort. Owen had so much more to offer the world than I ever did.  
"Owen-" I managed to speak out their name, opening the door, instantly covering my nose. "Oh--God!" My eyes couldn't bear the sight of their body, it brought me pain beyond anything I've felt.   
It was my fault.  
Why didn't I just check on them, they screamed for help and I ignored it. I let them die.  
"I'm so sorry Owen-" I fell apart, running to them and pulling them into an embrace, the smell not phasing me this time. I traced my finger over their cheek, placing a kiss beside it softly. I took steady breaths, feeling one that didn't belong to me- I looked up, turning around--but no one else was with me. I swallowed and pulled at my hair slightly.  
It's just a draft.  
I let out a whimper, terrified of not knowing what is real anymore--I was feeling things that aren't there. Was Owen really there? Is Josh real?  
I felt a delicate hand wrap around my arm, making me shiver and stare at the wall with wide eyes.   
The walls melted and Owen's eyes stared up at me, but they weren't a zombie, they looked beautiful, like if they were an angel. They looked like Josh in some ways, which got me thinking. "Owen? Is that you?"  
They looked around, their whole body shaking and trembling.   
"I- I don't know where I am."   
"With me, in my house." I smiled and began to cry once again, half-relieved they were alive, but nothing explained why they came back.  
I must be hallucinating again.  
But I won't take advantage of this moment; I placed a kiss on their nose.  
"It's me. It's Sam." I heard their breath hitch, their arms lacing around my body.  
"Sam?" They smiled and I gleamed at the sight. I almost forgot about Josh, until I saw him staring at us through the doorway, his hands tight in fists.  
"So you two are'ah thing?" He stepped forward and I shook my head.  
"N-no!" My hands kept Owen close.  
"Josh? What happened, I'm-" Owen touched the side of their neck, letting out a cry of fear. "What happened to me!?" they buried their face in their hands, shuffling back.  
"You died, and somehow you're alive." Josh folded his arms, his lip quivering in rage.   
"No, I can't- There was nothing but black."   
"Did you hear me?" I asked quietly, seeing them nod slightly.  
"I think so, it was the only thing that stopped me losing my mind." Owen began to calm down, touching my face. "I forgive you."  
I swallowed a thick lump in my throat, quickly swiping away a tear.   
"There's no heaven?"  
"No." Owen whispered to me. "Unless I went to hell."  
"You'd never go there." I carefully placed a hand over their wound--they didn't even flinch.  
Josh's breathing caught me off guard, my eyes snapping up to meet his.  
"Sam, I want you to come wit' me." Josh stepped closer to the bed.  
"Not yet, Owen needs company."  
Josh's eyes changed, and his arm trembled.  
"No! You don't want to do that- we made love!"  
"I'm not in love with them!" I pleaded with my eyes, but earned no understanding.  
"I don't wan'tu do this." Josh produced a small knife from his coat, watching Owen with blank eyes. I shook my head violently, shuffling in front of Owen.  
"Don't! Please! They don't deserve to die, and you will be arrested!"  
"I can't be," Josh frowns, holding it lower. "I'm able to persuade anyone to do anything." He suddenly slashed at Owen's arm rapidly, filling the room with their agonising screams, not making any clean hits--I tried to grab his arm, but he shoved me away, crawling onto Owen like they were an object. I tried to push Josh away, but I was weak, I couldn't save Owen.   
Josh plunged the knife into the writhing body like a dead pig, dragging it down their chest, cutting them up like a butcher. I held my mouth in my hands, feeling an acidic mess seep through my fingers.   
"Owen! God!" I choked out.   
Josh shuffled closer to me, pulling the knife out of them.  
"No no, you don't need them!" He held my wrist, dropping the red-streaked knife in his lap. "I'm all you need."  
"No, no you're bloody not! You murdered them!" I shuffled to their body, yelling out cries and pleads. "Owen, it's okay you'll wake up again." I pressed my nose into their cheek, weeping into their skin, hoping they could feel me.  
"You need to love me!" Josh hugged me from behind, making me flinch.  
"I don't love killers!"   
Josh's lip quivered, hiding his eyes behind his hand.  
"But I love you, I just wanted them out of the way-"  
"If you weren't Josh, I would have cut you open by now!" I scowled and lowered my head, feeling the life of Owen gone.

I picked up my phone and dialled for James promptly, my eyes like fountains, the soreness in my eyes was painful, and it only made me cry more.  
"James please-"  
"Don't call anyone it's useless," Josh mumbled from behind me. I hastily grabbed an ornament and hurled it at his head--just missing. He yelped and cowered behind his arms.  
I was sent straight to voicemail, and my heart was fueled with more fear and rage.   
"You-- Killed him too."   
"Please let me explain," He spoke with a croaky voice.   
I didn't want to hear any of it.  
"I don't care, I want you to leave."  
"Sammy, I did it because I love you. I made you like me." He took off his coat and threw it to the floor meekly. "Just let me be wit' you. Please."  
"Tell that to everyone you killed you bastard!" I kicked the table's legs and sent it crashing to Josh's feet. Josh stumbled back.  
"It wasn't personal Sam."   
"Oh, it was."  
I walked to my door, opening it slowly.  
"Never come back!"  
His eyes glistened and he broke into pitiful tears, reaching for me.  
"Please don't make me go! I won't hurt anyone again!" He fell to his knees and bowed to my feet. I didn't know what was happening to me, or why I felt bad, it was like I had no choice; his eyes were so beautiful-  
"Alright," I swallowed, still tasting my own insides inside my mouth. He took both my hands in his, smirking and flashing his teeth.  
"Promise to stay forever?"   
"Yes."

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